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Is 40 too old to go trick or treating?

Is 40 too old to go trick or treating? I don’t mean with children, just by myself. I could wear a sheet from the washing pile and people might just think I am a really tall child.

I wouldn’t ordinarily consider trick or treating, but I didn’t take anything out for tea and it would be easier to wander around the neighbourhood asking for scraps than wander down to the shops. My neighbours wouldn’t even have to give me lollies, just a piece of bread or something from out of the garden. I’m not fussy, just very very lazy.

My flatmate just told me I wouldn’t even have to get dressed up, I could go as myself – an old woman with no hope of ever having a career or owning her own home – that would scare the kiddies more than any ghost or witch would, methinks. It would scare anyone under 40 in these heady times.

The kids might just think I am a witch anyway, I have one of those faces – the type women of a certain age and no tolerance for b.s tend to end up with. “Don’t worry, it might never happen,” people say to me. I smile at them and they back away slowly.

Speaking of trick or treating, some kids came trick or treating to my flat THREE DAYS AGO, the chancers. To be fair our front door is covered in cobwebs, and there are ripped flapping sheets hanging all over the place, so they probably thought we were part of some sort of Halloween installation project.
I threw some cat biscuits out the window at them and screeched ‘trick!’ which was a lot better than they would’ve got if they’d arrived five minutes later when my flatmate was getting out of the bath. She’s enormously fat  (I am too – so I’m allowed to say it), so it takes her an age. The ghostly moans and grunts emitted from the bathroom could be bottled and sold in Halloween stores (if there were such places) so horrific is the sound.

Bad taste costumes seem to have fallen out of favour, I noticed at the last Halloween party I went to in 1998. You can’t even dress up as Fred and Rosemary West or Judith Collins on Halloween, the night of evil? It’s almost like its become some sanitised overly marketed corporate thing or something. It’s sexy this and ironic that. Bring back evil, I say.

On another note, I wonder how many ‘ghosts’ this year will actually be kids dressed as members of the English rugby team out to give All Blacks fans a fright?